It's funny that I'm writting here. - suppose it serves some purpose to me. There is always this question. It's cliche I know but, I still wonder... Does anyone else feel like I do? Closed off. I think I do it to myself. Unintentional but true - think it's some kind of defence mechanism, I don't want be like this. Closing myself off, but I guess part of me does.... Yep I'm afraid of the world. It's hard to remember to keep on top of myself, and to recognize life for how beautiful it is. Even now doing this and being in this dark place with these "bad goings on" I'm here and alive and a witness to all of it and stuggling through. The struggle itself is amazing! All our little dramas always going on. And they arte soooo important! Truthfully and sarcastically. Their inimportance is important to the existance of everything. I could lose everything and slump into a severly deep depression, but that slumping and that depressing is directly equal to creation, it means I'm creating this little tiny piece of the great All. I'm like one of Voltrons lions.

It is amazing how closed off we all are, all we see is straight ahead, from within our own head. All we see is about ourselves, and not really seeing the All, or how we are actually a part of *.and yet we are all concerned about how we fit into the * that we miss just being it.

So I guess I've answered my own question... I'm not alone in feeling alone and closed off.

Morality

Do 2 wrongs make a right?
If you are doing some thing wrong, but for the greater good. Is it still good? Should these questions even need to be asked? They say nice guys finish last. They also say do to others as you would have them do to you. Who is they, anyway? Who's really to say. I say you should follow what you know is right, but I also think I might be a little crazy.

Well I'm not taking the low road. I am taking th road of truth!

"The truth doesn't skrew around, and the truth does't care about your opinions. The truth doesn't care if you believe in it, deny it, or ignore it. -t couldn't care less what religion you are, what country your from, What color your skin is,what or who you've got between your legs or how much you have invested in mutual funds. The truth is not open to negotiation, not to you, not by men not the leader of the free world or the moral majoritym the truth simply is."

I'm not going to pull any punches, but I'm not going to hit below the belt either. I don't care what everyone else thinks.

So I guess in a way I can go by the cliche" Do to others as you would have them do to you." With the addition of.. "If You acted as they"

And I'll end with this..

If you see me gettin high, Knock me down

Black Days

There is alot of value to be had from books and teachings, and that you can apply to your everyday life. and these teachings can make all the difference in the world about your outlook on life and the way you live it, or even how you view yourself.

Funny though that the most heartfelt lessons can fall to the wayside during difficult time, when seemingly you could use these lessons the most. it's also funny how we always revert to the negative.

some of the teachings that I follow say that there is nothing profound and that everything is profound... basically, everything and anything is equal. for the most part this idea serves me well in my day to day living. But againwhen times are really tough, there are some thing that I just cannot let go of their importance, like the love I have for my children.

maybe what this means is my love needs to be just as passionate toward a rock or a slug or my Ex-wife as it is for my children.. I am obviously not enlightened.. but I am here and this is what I am feeling, so this is real.. maybe I am, it doesn;t really matter because there is no such thing, but it's fun to say.