10/26/2009
fold in
Interesting our automatic response to pain is to fold in to our selves. Hit your thumb with a with a hammer, What do you automatically do? fold over try to push the pain back inside, like the old nasty golf Joke.... More interesting is that this also applies for emotional pain , once you are hurt , you fold into yourself and shut every thing else out and try to push the pain back in... even more interesting than that, is out lack of ability to unfold ourselves again. No matter how hard we try, it seems there is some undetermined amount of time that one is required for healing, and there doesn't seem to be an specific formula for any specific person as to how long it will take, or when one can accurately say "I'm healed". Of coarse "healing" and "healed" are just ideas, I use the words as descriptors. that'll have to be another post.
10/15/2009
10/14/2009
weeknights out
went out to a bar last night...
saw this comment the next day form a good friend...
"man im jealous you guys get to party on weekdays!"
I angrily wanted to respond with, "FUCK YOU, I'm Jealous that you don't, consider the alternative of having your kids taken from you, every week and trying to drown the hurt with alcohol, sounds fun huh!?!"
obviously I wouldn't say this, and I know this person didn't mean anything by it. It is just my own hurt wanting to lash out..
this is a good example of our human nature.. the grass is always greener.
my grass is greener because I get some freedoms to do want on weeknights, even though I fill it up with other shit I have to do. I do enjoy Tuesday nights, my girlfriend go out and have fun. but I'd take the greener grass of having my kids with me every night any day.
sometimes I hate being human, but I suppose if we were all perfect, there'd be no point of being.
so what to do here?...
It's easy to say be happy with the POS car you drive, because it runs well, but it's not a corvette... It's not as easy to say be happy with having your children taken from you. Then again, it could be worse. I could not be able to see them at all. I know some people who's children are in other countries. or worse yet dead.
then again things can Always be worse.
I know in my heart what the right answer is. The hard part is getting my brain and emotions to comply.
saw this comment the next day form a good friend...
"man im jealous you guys get to party on weekdays!"
I angrily wanted to respond with, "FUCK YOU, I'm Jealous that you don't, consider the alternative of having your kids taken from you, every week and trying to drown the hurt with alcohol, sounds fun huh!?!"
obviously I wouldn't say this, and I know this person didn't mean anything by it. It is just my own hurt wanting to lash out..
this is a good example of our human nature.. the grass is always greener.
my grass is greener because I get some freedoms to do want on weeknights, even though I fill it up with other shit I have to do. I do enjoy Tuesday nights, my girlfriend go out and have fun. but I'd take the greener grass of having my kids with me every night any day.
sometimes I hate being human, but I suppose if we were all perfect, there'd be no point of being.
so what to do here?...
It's easy to say be happy with the POS car you drive, because it runs well, but it's not a corvette... It's not as easy to say be happy with having your children taken from you. Then again, it could be worse. I could not be able to see them at all. I know some people who's children are in other countries. or worse yet dead.
then again things can Always be worse.
I know in my heart what the right answer is. The hard part is getting my brain and emotions to comply.
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